I was thinking the other day just how different my life and more specifically how different I had become from a couple of years ago. I really am in a different place and living a completely different reality than what I was a couple of years ago, yet my life really hasnt changed at all. What has changed dramatically is how I experience my life now. I think back and cringe at the thought of what my life could be like at this moment if I had of kept going the way I was 2 years ago and its not a pretty sight! 2 years ago, I would have never thought that I could be living life the way Im living it now; happy, relaxed and stress-free (well relatively....). Back then, all I could think of was misery, doom and gloom and why me and I couldnt see past that. All my thoughts were clouded with depression and negativity. This is what defined me. I didnt like it, actually I hated it, but I didnt know who I was without it. I couldnt see that I would just be me without the cloud of misery distorting my reality.
My misery and depression became my story. This is how I related to people to a certain extent. My payoff would be hearing other people's stories and making myself feel better by knowing that I wasnt the only person feeling a certain way at the time or that at least my life wasnt as bad as someone else's. This was me playing the victim and the payoff was having people say oh poor kylie and receiving the sympathy from others. Maybe, this is what I was scared to let go of. Where would my payoff be, if it wasnt the sympathy vote?
Well....misery is no longer my story and I am no longer the victim, so where is my payoff now. To be honest, I dont know. Maybe I dont need a payoff now, Im emotionally strong to no longer need external payoffs.
I think this is the true power of the work of transformational wellness. You dont need to change your life to change your experience of it. You can just shift your reality and the world will instantly change for you; as it has done for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment